One day you wake up in the morning (or at night) prior to sunrise, peak around and notice everything is exactly the same. The bed, the desk, those socks you’ve worn for a week straight lying on the floor…all the same.
This was me.
The wake up call
In 2012, I had somewhat of a mental breakdown yet at the same time an epiphany. I realized it was 2012, and I had graduated from college in 2009. Up until this point, my life revolved around the same things: wake up, go to work, leave work, maybe workout, and then chill outside the porch deck in the apartment I was renting. Day by day, week by week.
Although I was in my mid-20’s, I thought my life was this. That I had hit my ceiling. Everything I dreamed of accomplishing I hadn’t. First, the MMA career, then the potential MBA that I so long dreamed for back in college, and, of course, maybe one day having a family.
It just felt like I was doing nothing. And guess what, I was doing nothing.
So I decided in December of 2012, I would get my proverbial sh*t together.
Time to start fresh
I decided 2013 would be a new year, a new start, and no more excuses for myself. I made a decision that I would take great care of myself, make the hard choices, and actually take action. I decided, it was up to me.
On January 4th, 2013, I joined an MMA gym (finally). I couldn’t believe–I actually joined. It was happening. And know what? I never looked back. It was the best decision because that laid the groundwork for all decisions to come.
Thereafter, I started traveling more with my now-wife throughout Asia and Europe. And eventually in 2014, I decided to propose. I realized that she was the one, that she stood by me through my worst moments and yet never left me. It actually teared me up inside because I didn’t believe I deserved it. I didn’t believe I deserved anyone’s love. But here was this wonderful person who took me in and gave me heart.
Making a decision to change yourself
Ever since that frigid December night on that bare porch desk, things have changed so dramatically–and for the better.
I’ll be a father this year. I ended up realizing my dream of fighting inside the cage. I found my love for martial arts. I founded my own business. And I’m volunteering and giving back to the community.
It hasn’t been easy–it never will be. But I believe in this wholeheartedly, that we are all responsible for our own actions and future. If we choose to want something (a goal, a purpose), we need to act and execute. No excuses, no crying.
Make a choice today
For all those out there who are contemplating next steps and are constantly worried about change, know that these feelings are normal. I still endure these today. But understand that for every day that goes by with no action is another day with no change.
So I challenge you to make a change today. Make a choice, and follow that path. Stick to the path, no matter how difficult things get. Because you will be better for it.
“When doubt seeps in you got two roads you can take either road. You can go to the left or you can go to the right and believe me, they’ll tell you failure is not an option. That is ridiculous. Failure is always an option. Failure is the most readily available option at all times, but it’s a choice. You can choose to fail or you can choose to succeed. And if we can plant seeds and let him know, ‘Move your feet, keep your hands up, stay off the bottom.’ That is the road to victory, or self-doubt and negative talk, and that is the road to failure. But failure is always there, and it’s okay to recognize that. If I can leave you with anything today, in my long journey through this is, one, it’s okay. Two, it’s normal. And as athletes and especially as men, as male athletes we hate to admit weakness to ourselves, and when you’re dealing with something and you got some kind of a hiccup, yeah, first thing is acknowledge it.” – Chael Sonnen
One of my favorite quotes said by one of the best MMA fighters, and what he says is true. We do have an option to either fail or succeed.
What is failure?
Now, the argument could be made what is failure and what and success. I am of the opinion that failure and success is determined by our own objectives, goals and measures. By that I mean, what do we want for ourselves and not what others want? And are we willing to sacrifice what’s required to accomplish those goals?
For example, a long-term goal and dream of mine was to compete in mixed martial arts. It was a dream I long had dating back to high school where I watched my very first UFC fight, which featured Tito Ortiz against Ken Shamrock. I was mesmerized by it all–the fighting, the martial arts, the dedication and determination, and above all, the fearlessness conveyed by the fighters themselves. Because it really does take a certain kind of person to willingly jump in a cage and get knocked senseless.
Nevertheless, it was something I had to do. I felt it in my heart. But like most things, life hit and that dream was on hiatus. But fast forward to December 2012, I had an epiphany. If I were ever going to accomplish this dream, this goal, it was either now or never.
So I took the plunge. I trained day in, day out for years; sparred hundreds of hours and learning a variety of martial arts. When the day finally came that I would be fighting, I was both eagerly excited and frightened.
Why fear can be motivating
But that fear is what drove me. Fear can be a good thing. The fear of failing drove me to train hard, training anywhere from 18 to 24 hours per week on top of a full time job. I knew this is what it would take for me to achieve success.
I ended up winning that fight. But the win wasn’t what got me excited; it was the countless amount of hours training, sparring and weight cutting that showed me who I am. It made me realize I could do this. That if I could do this, everything else is possible.
Those looking to realize their dreams and goals
So for anyone who’s looking to set out new goals and are worried about failure, put every dedication into your goal. Create a game plan, track every step, and you’ll be proud of what you’ve accomplished.
Because nothing is worse than doing nothing at all.
TL;DR – when you love yourself, others will love you too.
You might ask, “What does that even mean?”.
I know, in some peculiar sense it doesn’t make sense. Why would we love ourselves if others don’t. Why me? Why should I care?
Because when we love ourselves, we find purpose. We understand how to help others, how to love others, how to care for others. We find reason.
It’s human nature – and in some sense part of life – to face difficult challenges in our lives. There are (too many) times where we’re faced with life’s problems, and we don’t have direction. What if I don’t achieve my goals? What if I fail? What if….
And I agree. There are no simple answers. All that we can do is put our best foot forward, wear one shoe at a time, and gear up to face our fears and challenges.
This is what allows us to overcome our demons, our battles and our fears. We realize after facing these these challenges that nothing else could be worse.
For those who may have lost loved ones or who battled extreme trauma in their lives understand this. And if you haven’t, you may have experienced in other ways (e.g. volunteering).
It’s at these moments we manifest ourselves, our characters. We find out that we want to take care of others, and that means first taking care of ourselves.
We must love ourselves.
When we begin to love ourselves, and we tell ourselves that we matter, life finds meaning.
It’s the long game though. One day at a time.
Rather than feeling sad about the things we haven’t done, be happy and fortunate for the things you have accomplished. There’s always something.
Remember you were scared of attending that workshop because of your fear of meeting new people? What’s to lose? Give it a shot :).
It’s calming to know others have been through our suffering
We’re not alone. It may feel like it at times, but be assured there’s someone out there we can speak with, to both sympathize and empathize with.
So love yourself, and others will too. We’re right there with you.
What does it mean to take full responsibility for all your actions and the things you do everyday?
It means being fully conscious in the moment and taking calculated steps to accomplish and complete one’s goals/objectives/tasks.
It doesn’t mean brushing off important things for another day, hoping they will complete themselves.
It doesn’t mean preparing a basket of excuses when things go awry or the outcomes doesn’t turn out in our favor.
It doesn’t mean blaming the circumstances, the people, the environment around us because we haven’t taken the steps to better ourselves.
It means taking full control and responsibility for everything you do.
Because in order for us to set out and fulfill our dreams and aspirations, we need to make a plan. We need to check off the items from our checklist, despite the frustration, anxiety or stress.
It means we are present in the moment.
We only have so many days in the year. Days go by, then weeks and then years.
And when we finally realize it, a decade has past. Our hair has turned grey. Our backs ache when we wake up.
Then it hits us, “You never took that chance, that opportunity, to live out your goals and/or dreams”.
We’re all mortal, and we all have vulnerabilities. And because of this, taking full responsibility of our actions is incredibly important.
Only we can do it, no one else. Take full responsibility, live a complete life.
Sometimes, things don’t go your way. Sometimes, they end in another direction than the one you anticipated. But hey, that’s life and the trajectory towards happiness and fulfillment has never been linear.
You chase towards your goals, you have lofty expectations, and you plan to land that huge client who will bring in the revenues.
And then you don’t.
But it’s okay. Sometimes you just bite the bullet. Sometimes, sh*t happens and you have to just move forward.
It’s not easy – it never has been. But letting those things simmer inside your head isn’t healthy for you. You know what will happen if you do; you end up loafing around. And then you realize, a week or more has passed and you end up in the same spot.
So yeah, sometimes it doesn’t go your way. But that’s okay. Take the opportunity to think through what matters to you, what makes you happy and what kind of life you want to live.
You’ve experienced many things in your life, you’ve endured things you hope no one else will have to, yet you’re here still. Yes, you are still here, breathing and soaking in the sun and the chilled breeze.
Remember those times growing up as a kid wondering, “Is this normal? Do all families go through this”? Remember those times when you thought you couldn’t amount to anything because, well, no one believed in you. All you were taught was to get good grades, but there was never a goal in it.
As you sit here, typing out this post, you reflect on your life and picture those dreadful days. “Did I think I would be here today”? Of course not, you didn’t have any reason to believe.
But here you are, standing strong and proud, weathering all that life has thrown at you. You were kicked on the ground constantly, begging for life to stop. But as the kicks came coming, somewhere deep down, you realized those kicks would never stop coming. So you decided in that moment – it’s time to take charge of my life.
You decided in that pivotal moment in your life that you – and only you – could make a difference in your life. That the only person who would care the most about you would be you. So you took the time to reflect and ask, “Who am I, where am I going, am I happy, what life do I want for myself, and what will my future kids and family see in me”?
In that reflection, you wrote everything down, both good and bad. You saw that you had many flaws, but also that you had many things to be proud of. But seeing everything on paper made you realize something – you had a choice. That you could right the ship, that you could be someone different, that you could make an impact on those world. That you didn’t have to be that scared kid growing up wondering, “Is this it”?
So stand tall, stand proud you told yourself. The future is unknown, but that is what makes it so beautiful. Make that future your own. Be happy and never stop pushing.
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. – Charles R. Swindoll
For many of us, life is filled with challenges, consequences and at times, amazing experiences with fulfillment. However, most of the time we focus on just the negative side of things, completely foregoing what lies ahead – our future. Trust me, I do the same.
Why life is like the stock market
Ah, the stock market. For many, the stock market is a place where we can invest our earnings in the hopes it grows overtime, leading to our eventual retirement sipping margaritas by the beach.
Unfortunately, like many, the stock market is a place that can cause panic and fear. Markets up 5%…great! One day later…markets are down 5%. Panic!
Although it’s frightening and nerve-wracking as it happens, the reality is this. It is normal. The markets, by its nature, will move up and down throughout the course of days and weeks. However, thankfully over the long-term, the markets eventually trend higher. And if it doesn’t, well then, it’s time to invest my money elsewhere :).
But just like the stock market, where stock movements can swing rapidly and unexpectedly, life behaves the exact same way. One day, you’re working a dream job earning $100k; the next, you’ve been called into the office by your boss to be notified you’ve been let go. And this is after 10 years of service, too!
Was that the plan? Was it your plan? Of course not.
But like the stock market, the long-term is what matters
Just like in the stock market, eventually markets recover and trend upwards. Just like in life, there are good moments and then there are bad ones. Sometimes, horrible ones.
Personally, my life has felt just like the stock market. My upbringing was a rather harsh one, dealt with both grief and sadness. Honestly, I believed for many years this life wasn’t for me.
When I was just 16 years old, I lost my mother. In fact, I had to be in the same room with my father at the time (he didn’t speak english) to confirm with the doctors to pull the plug. My mother was officially brain dead, and being left on life support wasn’t the best course per the doctor. As a young teen, it was traumatizing to experience.
Then in less than 2 years afterwards, my dad passed away due to a car accident. I was devastated, to say the least. I even had to prepare the funeral obligations and work with lawyers myself. I was just 18 years old. And it hit dawned on me – I was an orphan.
Up until at this point in my life, I never envisioned a world where both parents would be gone. But when my dad passed, I had a sudden revelation. I needed to grow up – and fast.
Making your choices and living by them
Despite what happened in my and my family’s life, I knew I had to continue moving forward. After my dad passed away during my freshmen year at UMass, I made a decision. I would succeed in college, that I would make my decisions and live and die by them.
This is the same code I live by to this day. Is it challenging? Of course. Can it be tiring? All the time. But even with everything that has happened, I believe we can survive and move forward. It’s not easy. In fact, I had to seek therapy at times because of the dark places my mind races to.
But like the stock market, just know that these things will pass. But also that we should take the time to be sad, to cry, to vent and let out our grievances. It’s part of human nature.
Although I try my best to stay strong and determined, I have my weaknesses too. I have days where I need to vent and just lay in bed all day. But this is normal.
We will all get there. And requesting support and reaching out to friends and family is sometimes necessary and healthy. We can’t all do it alone.
Focus on the long term
Just like the stock market, the focus is on the long-term. Day to day, week to week, life will be erratic, crazy and rage-inducing. Trust me, it will.
But just like the stock market, we’ll progress, trend higher, and reach and attain new goals.
“Martial arts is not about fighting; it’s about building character.” – Bo Bennett
Everyone gets into martial arts because they want to learn how to fight. I mean, it makes sense. We want to protect ourselves and our loved ones from being hurt, and what better way than to learn some martial arts.
However, martial arts is just so much more than that. It’s more than just fighting and self-defense. As Bo Bennett so eloquently put it, its about building confidence, self-esteem, character and perseverance.
Because learning martial arts and learning how to fight is a life-long endeavor, it’s not something anyone can pick up over a 2-hour seminar.
What it means to learn how to fight
Very few things in life will teach you to be “tough”, to be mentally strong and ready to take on challenges. Too often we get crammed with life’s obligations, and when it becomes too much, we turn off. We reach for the beers, the greasy pizza, and then kick back to watch some Netflix or game on our PC’s. It then becomes a vicious cycle that repeats itself, day after day, year after year. And then we wake up, at 60 years old, realizing we wasted our lives away.
With martial arts, especially ones where you have to spar such as Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and Muay Thai, you learn to deal with your battles and problems head on. Literally…head on!
In these types of martial arts, there is no running away. Because if you quit, you’ve quit and will have to accept that reality. That’s why its so hard to stick with these activities because they challenge you physically, mentally and emotionally. Who wants to get beaten down week after week?
And that’s just the thing. You come back, day after day, week after week, year after year. You then realize that you’ve now embraced the fighter mindset. You now understand what it means to be a “fighter”, to deal with your problems head on rather than running away. Don’t get me wrong, it’s scary, it’s painful. No one wants to get hurt. But it will teach you more lessons than you could ever imagine.
My journey as a fighter and martial artist
Personally, learning how to fight and learning martial arts was one of the best decisions I made. It all began when I was younger where I would watch my favorite actors in Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan on the television screens, throwing spin kicks and tossing nun-chucks. I was so enamored in their skills, hoping that one day I too would be able to perform those moves.
But why was it important to me? Because growing up I was a victim of bullying, hazing and racial discrimination. As one of 10 Asian-Americans in my town, I was always in conflict with who I was and why people didn’t accept me. Finally, in high school I decided it was time to learn something, to be able to protect myself, and to take matters into my own hands.
Fast forward nearly 10+ years later, I’ve competed in mixed martial arts (MMA), am currently a purple belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (average time to black belt is 10 years), competed numerous times, and trained and sparred in a variety of arts. I’m also a martial arts personal trainer, something I truly enjoy not just because I love martial arts; but because I get to witness how it changes people’s confidence in themselves. I see myself in them.
To those ready to embrace the fighter mindset
So for those who are unsure of where they’re heading in life, to those who fear the unknown, to those who’ve been victims of bullying, I challenge you to learn martial arts. Not just martial arts, but learn to fight. Because through fighting, you’ll learn so much about yourself, what you’re capable of, and what you want out of your life.
There I was, lying on that hot, summer pavement, unconscious and still, not making a noise. This was it. My life would end before it began.
Around the time I was about three years old, like any young child who’s clueless about the rules of the road, I ran across the street and was struck by a sixteen wheeler (truck).
Of course, I have no recollection of this outside of what I was told by my brother and father. But many years later around the time I was a sophomore in high school, I found a document listing the injuries I had sustained on that day.
Here is the list: broken leg, cracked skull and fell into a coma. Surprisingly, I made it out alive from this accident.
Today, I wonder what could have been had I not been hit by that truck. Would I have been more intelligent? Brighter? Less angry? Who knows.
What I do know is that I made it out alive. I’m still living and am able to share this story with you. I’m happy yet feel unfilled. There’s so much more to do in this life, to help others live a better life, and to give back to the less fortunate.
And because of this accident, I believe I may be able to accomplish that, even if it is just one person.
Thank you for reading my story. Stay tuned as I’ll be releasing more stories of my life and hope what I share can help you in any way.
Throughout my career, when I worked with others in the office I had only one value that I wanted to uphold – to not make any one’s life any more difficult than it may already be for them. I wasn’t always perfect in this regards, and I always felt terrible when I messed up.
I didn’t know their story, what they were personally going through or the things they had to endure up to this point. Sure, we might not have agreed on certain points or issues. But regardless, I always wanted to make sure I wasn’t the reason they went home unhappy. And if I did, I’m deeply sorry.
So why did people treat others the way they did? Did they have something to release? Did they also carry a heavy burden? I grew up in a very difficult, challenging environment that made question life and people. Throughout elementary, middle and high school, I would put a smile on my face. Every. Single. Day. No one knew I was deeply angry and sad at the world.
Now and Forward
For those who have endured similar struggles, know that we have the power to make sure we don’t place the same kinds of burden onto others. It’s tough, I know. Why did I go through this when no one else had to? I asked those very same questions every day. But nothing changes from thinking this way. Rather, we move forward, find our own happiness and in the process, bring a smile to others where we can. It won’t always be easy (nothing ever truly is), but you can do it. We can do it.
If you found this post interesting, please send me a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Life is a short one and while we are here, I’m hoping we can help make it a better place. One day at a time.
What’s one of the hardest things to do? Being thankful. Especially during difficult times.
It’s something I’ve personally faced many times throughout my life. How does one handle being thankful when so much around you goes wrong? The work situation doesn’t pan to your liking, your friends stop calling, your gaining weight and negative thoughts flushing in and out of your head. I’ve felt like this plenty of times.
And still do.
But I try to remind myself that, in difficult times, there are so many things to be thankful for. I’m thankful to have a wonderful wife who’s stuck by me during very painful moments in my life, times at which many others would have sprinted away from. I have a wonderful sister who isn’t afraid to challenge my thoughts and opinions (thank you!). And regardless of work situations, I’m thankful to those who helped develop my career and provided a thoughtful gesture and/or conversation.
And honestly, it’s what I needed.
I’m reminded everyday that there’s so much to be thankful and grateful for, that no matter how much life throws at you, you have people around that care. Sometimes we say, “it’s nothing personal, walk it off, stop thinking like that”. But sometimes, we need to vent and release steam. Sometimes, it’s just those simple moments that allow us to be happy, even for a moment.
I know I haven’t always done the “right” or “proper” thing, but I try my best to be genuine and humanistic. Who I am is who I am; I don’t cover it up. And this is what I convey myself even during job interviews. I’m a passionate person – I love to help people. I don’t see myself ever stop helping others.
So be thankful. Be thankful during difficult moments. And most of all, be thankful to yourself – you’re doing good. Regardless of the circumstances, we’re there for you. As am I.
