The truth is you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.
Eminem
Growing up, I was deeply fascinated by things.
Football, baseball, wrestling, boxing, fighting, internet, AIM (yup, we’re old), Myspace (what now?)…the list goes on.
I don’t know why, but I would get entrenched in the topic.
I would study the hell out of it, understand its basics and fundamentals, watch videos, and then discuss it with friends.
Yeah, they may have (most certainly were) annoyed,
But after graduating from college, I joined a Fortune 100’s finance management program.
And just like that, interests gone. Dwindled.
I stopped caring.
It wouldn’t be until December 2012, sitting on the porch with my whiskey that I realized I just stopped caring.
I let myself go.
I took no action.
That, right there, hurt more than anything.
I prided myself on taking action, trying harder, improving myself, and beating the odds.
On that chilly December night was my birthday and I started realizing how many regrets I had.
Damn
So I asked myself while dozing off, “What do I regret not doing that I could do NOW?”
Mixed martial arts.
That was it.
Since high school, I always wanted to try my hands at MMA and fighting inside the cage.
Why?
Because I was deathly scared.
Being punched in the face, being knocked out, being doubted, doubting myself.
I was petrified. It was paralyzing.
Yet, I wanted it more than anything.
I wanted it for one reason and one reason only:
To prove that I could overcome my fears.
That night was the turning point in my post-college life.
Many decisions thereafter came as a result of that night.
Choosing to live a better life, making money, dreaming of retirement and freedom, fighting inside the cage, volunteering and becoming a board member, being open to opportunities.
Simply, being alive again.
I was dead for a long time.
But that night, that cold night with 2-3 whiskeys down in me, made me realize I had to stop fucking around.
That was 2012.
That was 9 years ago.
So much has changed since then.
I have a son, fought inside the cage, quit my job, learned to code, started businesses, met incredible people, married love of my life and more.
All because of that one night.
My ask of you
What’s something you’re regretting now that you could take action on today?
What would you regret when you’re 80 years old reflecting back of your life?
Have you reached out to the people you love letting them know you love them?
Spend time reflecting. Block out 1-2 hours.
Don’t let another hour go by.
We’re all on a path to somewhere in life.
I truly believe we’re all fighters in one way or another.
Since November 2020, I’ve been running, executing, curating, marketing and financing Kick Ass Letters, a private community of like-minded people who are seeking to take on comfort challenges.
As someone who’s never ran either a weekly newsletter or a community, it’s been quite a experience.
On one end, I love it as I’m learning something new, meeting new faces, and connecting with like-minded people who want similar things in life.
On the other, it’s been a lonely journey that has me spending 95% of my time alone (the other 5% I spend meeting people on Lunchclub or attending Dru’s awesome Trends Tribe calls).
With all that said, this whole process been a grind.
As a parent to one little boy, a co-founder of an accounting business, and trying my best to be an amazing husband, I’m wary that my time is being allocated in multiple buckets.
What does that mean?
It can be overwhelming, although mentally I tell myself things are fine. (I know when they aren’t because I’ll start catching a cold or fever.)
One thing that’s been helpful for me to overcome this overwhelming feeling is to daily journal.
I try my best to be as honest as possible, to be truthful on where I can improve, and to be grateful for what I do have in my daily journal sessions.
Here’s an example of my Nimbus template below, feel free to duplicate here:
All that said, I’m really grateful and excited to keep Kick Ass Letters going.
We now have close to 300 subscribers, which is baffling.
What was a crazy idea to me at the time has become something that resonates with 300 others.
I hope Kick Ass Letters can become what I think it can — a movement for like-minded people who’re seeking to challenge themselves into becoming the best versions of ourselves.
I know we can do this.
It’ll be amazing to see how much we can accomplish when we get to do it together — as a community.
Look forward to sharing more updates with you. Stay tuned!
“Learn to value yourself, which means: fight for your happiness.”
2020, what a year.
Every year, I spend an hour or two doing all of the following:
Write up an annual review of what I’ve accomplished, need to improve, new bucket list items, and so on (using Notion this year for this)
Create next year’s financial budget (gives me comfort)
Write letters to myself and loved ones in the future using FutureMe
I do all of this because it’s incredibly important to me to not lose sight of who I am and to focus on my loved ones.
When I was working full time in my corporate position, I was losing sight of what mattered and what was important to me.
What was meant for me to live a fulfilling, happy and honest life was now just about doing anything and everything possible to get that illustrious promotion.
Honestly, it was burning me out and making me sad.
But it wasn’t until I started doing annual reviews of myself that I started to see the big picture: what I wanted to do, accomplish, try, eat, etc.
It gave me perspective on life.
This year was unlike any year. Because unlike years prior, we lived through a pandemic! Madness ?
But the pandemic also shed light into new opportunities. Here’s just a taste of what I was able to try and take challenge on as a result
Did a ton of networking & 1-1 calls through platforms like Lunchclub, Focusmate and communities like Trends.vc
Met some really amazing people like Noah Kagan, Dru Riley, and many more
Tackled the social media world through Linkedin and Twitter (I’m an introvert, so doing this kind of stuff gives me anxiety at times)
Tried a ton of growth experiments for our business Meet A4E and gained customers, subscribers, etc.
Size Comparison of the Universe (shows how small we are)
Final Thoughts
There have been many more videos I’ve watched that have helped shape me, which I’ll make another post on soon.
But these videos are ones I come back to time and time again. They help me reflect, see what’s important and realize how insignificant we actually are in the grand scheme of things.
Why’s that important?
Because we should pursue what we love with intense devotion. Make it matter.
They also serve as a reminder that being kind and nice pays off. Because our lives are too short and we never know if tomorrow will come.
In the end, we are our choices. Build yourself a great story.
The average age of death in the US is currently 78.93 (source).
Translated into days, that’s approximately 28,809.45 days to live (calculation).
In 2017 when I quit my corporate career, I deeply reflected and asked myself what I would be doing for the next 50 years.
Mindlessly crunching numbers in Excel at wee hours into the night for a cause I could careless?
Hell no.
It wasn’t until I quit my job in 2017 that I realized it was up to me to make my own choices, to pave my own path, and to take control of my decisions.
No one else was going to do that for me.
In the end, that’s all it is — choices.
Trust your gut, take a leap of faith, and push forward.
Finally, I’ve officially launched Kick Ass Letters, a crowdsourced weekly email challenge series to help people take action towards self-growth and personal development.
I decided to create this project for many reasons, but the main one was to ultimately help people who may be struggling to find motivation and purpose in life.
Why?
Because this was me.
It wasn’t until I made a choice back in 2017 to quit my job and backpack Southeast Asia that I felt alive again. I felt like I could do something that was beyond being a corporate drone.
I also decided to create this project because I understand what it’s like to be depressed and sad feeling unfulfilled.
I lived many, many years in depression and sadness after the loss of both parents and a younger sister. I never opened up about this to friends because I always felt like a burden.
That’s another reason I created this project.
Community.
I wanted to create something special for others to learn, grow and perhaps even make friends.
Life’s just too fucking short to live in anger, sadness and political bullshit.
So my hope and goal with Kick Ass Letters is to make people feel alive again and live with a sense of purpose.
But I’m also aware many won’t understand or come along with this journey.
And that’s okay.
I hope in time more and more people will join this movement.
The world has seen enough suffering, and I hope we can all fight together and embrace each other.
For the past few weeks, I’ve been struggling with my identity.
Social media has questioned me on what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. E.g. why do I get so damn bothered when someone unfollows me?
I’ve found myself on LinkedIn and Twitter posting things that were sometimes true to my heart and sometimes only to gain followers.
And it had me thinking…why?
Why does it matter?
In the end, we only have one life. It could be long, could be short. We could die tomorrow.
And should it be spent trying to mask ourselves to please others?
The answer is clearly no.
So I’ve decided to be myself, my true self.
Who am I?
I’m a proud father, husband, fighter, orphan, entrepreneur and brother.
I’ve dealt with my fair share of tragedies, fuck ups and regrets.
At my core, I’m a fighter who’s struggled with adversity and hardship all my life. That’s why I got into MMA in the first place.
Yet, I care and empathize deeply with others.
I loved this recent video made by Noah of OkDork/Appsumo on therapy as well as his recent podcast with Lori Gottlieb.
We need more of this, and I was sad to hear that this video didn’t do as well as his other videos. Noah – if you’re reading this by any chance, please continue putting these kinds of videos out.
Finally, if you ever want to chat via Zoom/Meet, hit me up. I’m always up to meet new people.
Thank you for making it this far. I hope you’re safe and doing well.
Till next time. ?
P.s. I’m launching a new project that actually excites me. It’s called Kick Ass Letters, and my mission with it is to empower everybody to learn and grow through weekly email challenges.
You can refer to the link to learn more about why I’m doing this. And if you’re interested in checking it out or even helping shape the project, check out the link above. Thanks!
For the longest time, I’ve been compelled to do things that made others happy.
For the longest time, I’ve felt that my goal was to mask who I am to make others accept me.
Weird and somewhat sad, I know.
My upbringing was difficult, and when both of my parents passed away tragically, a (very large) piece of me died inside forever.
The reality is, time does not heal all wounds.
Instead, with passing time comes the ability to see hope and promise. You just tend to see a little more light day by day, maybe drink a little less day by day, and maybe see some hope day by day.
But you never forget.
This was the case for me.
It took me many years before I came out of the dark, where I realized I could still live a full life and be happy.
It’s now been close to 3 years since I quit my corporate finance career. Sure, perhaps I could have been a Director, VP, perhaps even a CFO at this point.
But it wouldn’t have changed the fact that the politics, bureaucracy and back-stabbing would always be there.
And that’s what I hated most.
These past 3 years has been such a refreshing experience being out on my own and becoming a Founder.
It’s allowed me to see a bigger world out there, meet some incredibly inspiring people and achieve new realizations about myself (I know what SEO is…what?)
This is where I feel like I’ve succeeded.
I’ve taken a giant leap towards the unknown and have made an honest attempt to realize my dreams without compromising my value (key one being, don’t be an asshole to people).
Because of this, I’m realizing that failure is just that – a term.
We can only fail if we deem it as such.
It can be tempting to feel like a failure, especially given the widespread use of social media these days. Every day it seems like millionaires and successful people are popping out of nowhere.
But the reality is this – the average person can still succeed in their own ways.
And we should celebrate that.
Finally, I wanted to share I’m working on an exciting project that may be one of the most important projects I’ve ever worked on.
I’m working on a community-based newsletter to celebrate every day people. I hate the way society has shaped the world into thinking that unless you’re making it “rain” (money), you haven’t made it.
This sucks.
So I plan to change that. I hope to see a world where we truly can help each other out, make each other happy, not manipulate others for our own self-benefit and can celebrate our (big or small) wins.
That’s the world I want to live in.
Be on the lookout as I’ll announce it in the next few weeks (or even days).
Anyways, before I forget, I hope you’re doing well. These are scary times with Covid, and it’s completely changed the landscape of the world.
Nevertheless, stay safe, stay healthy, and most importantly, stay happy.
Journaling is one of the most powerful tools I’ve come across.
Prior to 2010, I did barely any journaling. Truth be told, I didn’t quite understand it.
How wrong I was…. ?
Fast forward 10 years later, I journal almost daily. Why? Because it calms me down, relieves my stress and allows me to dive deep into certain topics I have in mind.
I journal not only in blog format, but also through voice recordings. And it’s super easy to do so.
Voice recordings are really convenient for journaling
As much as I love to blog and write, there are times where just recording my thoughts using the voice recorder on my phone is much more convenient.
All I have to do is hit record and start speaking. Here’s a screenshot below:
My recordings using my Note 10 phone
I love using the voice recorder because I can record my thoughts anywhere I go. They also have a voice to text feature, which can come in handy too.
Save those precious memories
We live in a world where everything is fast: fast cars, fast businesses, fast promotions, etc.
Everything is fast. ?
But it’s also detrimental. Why you may ask? Because we never spend the time to take a step back and think.
What am I grateful for?
How was I today vs. yesterday?
Is this what I want?
Why am I still alive?
Using voice recordings, I can recollect past thoughts and feelings.
What triggered me on a specific day? Why did I feel that way?
Because I tag each recording based on their category (e.g. family vs. business), I can always return to the ones that were most impactful.
Life is a journey and process
I’ve experienced enough heartache and trauma in one lifetime, and I wish nothing more than to see people smile.
Journaling can be a powerful tool to bring about a smile.
Angry about something? Journal. ?
Love that your partner did something special for you? Journal. ?
Amazed to see your child growing up before your eyes? Journal. ?
Leverage voice recordings and videos (free unlimited storage via Google) to capture those memories.
I lost both parents, and the only things I have of them are a handful of pictures. I’m slowly losing the memories of their voices, which scares me.
But now being a parent myself, I want to ensure my son has many memories, all happy ones.
Embrace the memories, journal your thoughts, leverage voice recordings and most importantly, stay happy.
It was February 2017, a fair day with the sun out shining bright like any other normal day. Nothing out of the ordinary.
I drove into work in my 2012 Honda Civic with its few bumps and bruises and parked in my normal spot (2nd floor to get a nice early workout in).
For the past few weeks, we’d been told of the news that the hyper-growth company I worked for would be going through a potential restructuring due to platform strategy failures. It was certainly tough news as many of us were gung-ho on its platform potential to change the company into a Amazon-like juggernaut. I certainly was.
For months, this platform business unit was humming along and teams were realigned to push the priorities in building out the platform. Our team in Corporate Finance were tasked with a variety of functions, most notably on “product economics”. Simply, we wanted to ensure what was being produced made financial sense, i.e. do we make a profit.
As months went on, we went from a team driving new changes to support the platform to reconciling data. Said another way, we were glorified accountants–again.
As few more weeks went on, the writing was on the wall. Our roles and responsibilities were changing, and we were hearing less from leadership.
Being self-aware, I could sense another restructuring.
And sure enough. ?
The restructuring and what follows
On February 2017, the restructuring happens.
The night before I had a great conversation with my former Finance VP and learned that I would be part of this exercise. I also learned he would be included as well.
“Amazing…” is what I thought to myself. After nearly 5 years, more than 10,000 hours invested and various promotions throughout the company, and being told of job security in a number of conversations, there I was, in a boxed room with HR and my former manager.
“I’m so sorry, but today is your last day with the company.”
It was really difficult to hear this from a company that I devoted so much to and believed in truly. Nonetheless, I respectfully understood the decision and wished the team well.
And then there I was, standing outside the building with one box with my things and staring back. “Well that was fun” as I walked back towards my car.
In less than 20 minutes, I was back home. ?♂️
You make a choice and you move forward
I spent that week taking a step back to relax my mind and to cool off. After all, I was away from the work I didn’t enjoy doing and this would be a great opportunity to focus on other things.
But what other things? ?
After one week, I whipped out my OneNote (free note-taking tool) and started jotting ideas and thoughts that included:
What do I want next?
What job do I want to do?
What company would I want to work for?
How can I leverage this time to do something more meaningful?
What next?
After spending a few hours writing my thoughts out, I realized a few things I never thought about. For example, I really wanted to try my hand at personal training. For anyone who knows me well knows that I’m extremely passionate about MMA (mixed martial arts) and sports.
So one week after being laid off, I randomly applied to be a boxing personal trainer at a local gym. After some discussions I was hired and off I went. It was exciting! I was training adults who were looking to get in shape and to let off steam. I was finally doing something I actually enjoyed. ?
Next, I decided that I needed to read more and expand myself. Admittedly, I did little to no reading prior to this–not unless you include Medium articles and blogs.
Similar to my thought note-taking, I wrote down a list of books I wanted to read, went to the library and rented a few. It was an easy decision, but one I had pushed back for so many years. ?
It was also at this time I asked myself, “What do I want to do before I die?” Yes, it’s grim. But it’s a real, honest question that most never ask themselves.
After some thinking, I decided it would be backpacking. I’d always longed for it, so I spoke with my wife and we decided we would do it. Not in 10 years, not in 5 years…this year. Yup, it was going to happen.
Received an offer from Amazon and why I turned it down
Around June 2017, I received a LinkedIn message with a potential opportunity to join Amazon. Funny enough, it was going to be a role managing their Promotional Products line, the same group I supported in my prior role.
I decided to jump at the opportunity because it was, well, Amazon. Who wouldn’t want to work for Amazon, right?
So I moved forward with the process, submitted my resume, and thankfully received an interview. The first round was a screening with the hiring manager. After passing that stage, I received an invite to come onsite to meet the team and go through a rigorous interview process. I was just glad they were going to pay for my flight and hotel costs.
On the day of the interview, I went through 5 very long and intense interviews with various leaders of the group. I did the typical behavioral questions such as “Why me, what would you do in XXX scenario, etc.”, but the part of the interview I really enjoyed was the case study. They had me whiteboard what my process would be for launching and validating a new product idea for Amazon. (Answer: test small location, validate, then expand ?).
About a week after the interview process and submitted references, I received an email with the header “Congratulations!”
My Amazon offer email letter
Most would feel excited and just glad to have a job. It is the normal reaction after all.
But for some reason, I felt empty and a bit dead inside. I felt dread and anxiety. I kept wondering why I was feeling this way.
And then I remembered.
It was because I was about to enter the corporate world again. I was about to enter the world of politics, bickering, back-stabbing and restructurings. I also wondered, “What if I invest thousands of hours again only to receive the same fate as I did at my previous company?”
So I made a decision, albeit a hard one. I rejected their offer. And surprisingly, I didn’t feel bad. It felt good.
For once, I trusted my gut. ?
What the journey has been like since being a corporate employee
In short, amazing.
No longer do I wake up with dread, anxiety and a sense of emptiness.
No longer do I count the hours till when I can really start living (it’s the weekends).
No longer do I feel like I have to put up a mask and say yes to everything (I had a hard time saying no).
Instead, I feel so alive now. I wake up with a sense of purpose and fulfillment. I wake up wanting to work, wanting to move forward, wanting to learn.
I wake up knowing I control my destiny.
Ultimately, what I never realized until I was laid off, I wake up knowing I own my time.
Time.
Because in the end, time is what matters. We can’t make more of it. It’s the ultimate commodity that can’t be replaced.
Today, I run my own business with my wife called A4E. We are a 100% fully remote accounting practice that offers a complete done-for-you bookkeeping, tax preparation and guidance, and CFO service solutions for small businesses.
I feel an incredible sense of control and happiness knowing every day my wife and I control our future, our own time, and that we can make a real difference for our customers and founders. We could also give back to the community, something that I’m passionate about.
In addition to my business, I’m also a board member for Level Ground MMA, an amazing non-profit managed by Ali Fuller. Ali is one of the very few people I’m amazed and inspired by and was the main reason I wanted to support her mission. That mission being: supporting and helping our Boston youth who are disadvantaged by offering career advancement opportunities, mentorship and guidance, martial arts classes and so much more.
Finally, I forgot to include. We did manage to complete that backpacking trip! ?
I’ll save for another detailed post, but in a nutshell, for a couple months in late 2017 we traveled throughout Southeast Asia. It was such an incredible experience and one that I will be experiencing again very soon. We ate so much delicious food, met amazing people, were touched by heartfelt stories and even almost got run down by rabid dogs.
Yeah…that was scary. ?
So where do we go from here?
Honestly, I can’t say.
But what I can say is I’m infinitely happier than I ever was prior to that point in my life.
I had faced a number of tragedies and painful work experiences throughout the past decade.
In 2009, I painfully lost my sister. When I opened up to my Fortune 500 company talent manager about the experience, I was told to “think about the starving kids in Africa”.
Imagine that. In a world where we are told to empathize with others, I was told this. I was broken; I thought to myself no one cared.
Nonetheless, I was glad to experience that. It made me who I am today. I realized that day that I would never be like her. That if anyone came to me with a story, I would be all ears. That’s what true empathy is.
Thank you for reading up this point ?
In closing, for anyone on the fence about their corporate careers and doubting where they want to go, do this one simple exercise: journal.
Write down your thoughts, wishes, dreams, goals. Be honest, be brutally honest with yourself. Are you happy? Are you doing what you love? What do you value?
When you do, you’ll realize what’s most important to you. Then it just comes down to actions.
Thank you so much for reading. It’s really tough for me to open up, but as a new parent, I know I need to. I don’t want to become bitter and angry as I get older–no one does.
If you found this helpful or enjoyed it, it would mean so much to me if you could share it ?.
Thank you again, stay well and stay safe. Till next time.
“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.”
— Les Brown
I found this quote almost 3 years ago, and it has remained one of my favorites up until this day. Something about it is just so poignant and so deeply true.
When I read this quote, I wondered “Am I living the life I want? Is this all there is to it?”
What a scary, yet brutally honest question to ask yourself.
We’re probably more similar than you think
Your life may have been like mine. My parents were first-generation Koreans who immigrated to the US from South Korea. They had no money, no extended family and couldn’t speak the English language.
All these factors led to a recipe for disaster. We may not be aware of it, but everyday people out there are constantly in fear and doubt. Check out Reddit under the depression subreddit. I lurk often because I can relate.
How tragedies change you
When I was in high school, my mother passed away when I was 16. I was frustrated, angry and depressed. I felt that there was no hope.
Then in college, I lost my father in a tragic car accident. At this point, I doubted life was worth living. I had no extended family, no one to lean on, and suddenly found myself homeless.
But deep down, I didn’t want my father’s death to be in vain. I had this burning desire in me to make him and my mother proud. I set my sights on achieving that by shifting gears and studying my ass off.
Small steps and changes in habits that helped me refocus
After what had happened, I decided to take action. Although I was scared and unsure, I knew that doing nothing would lead to nothing. I just had to move.
So day by day, I wrote in my scheduler, created detailed gameplans of what I was going to study, mapped out steps I needed to take to get a job and so on. I repeated this week in and week out.
As I continued this process, I felt more confident. The results were showing: landed my first 4.0 semester in my 2nd semester of college, landed my first internship and met a handful of mentors to help me.
I also learned how to “learn”. What I mean is, I stopped memorizing stuff. This shift changed me, and I started to take interest in what I was learning. I was excited. I felt like for the first time I enjoyed what I was doing, that I became curious.
Fear will always be there. So what will you do?
All my life I lived in fear. It was the result of my upbringing, my parents, the bullies. All of it.
When I joined the wrestling team and started taking boxing lessons, I felt less fearful. I learned that the worst thing that can happen was I got beat up a bit.
I took those lessons from wrestling and boxing, and applied it to my studies, my business, my relationships.
I refused to let fear control me.
When I competed for the first time in MMA, I felt a level of calm I never felt before in that cage. I realized, fear is just a conception of our mind. We picture fear to be this giant, ugly, scary thing–but it’s not.
All these experiences have led me to live a life of enduring challenges, learning new things, and never saying no to opportunities. Admittedly, when I was working in corporate finance, I became complacent. And it was terrible.
What are you waiting for?
We all wait for the “right” opportunities. We hope that a million bucks lands in our lap, or our bosses will promote us out of nowhere. The reality is, it doesn’t work that way.
Fear and doubt will always be there. It will be there till the day we die.
We have to control our own destiny. We have to take action, and we need to execute. We need to chase our dreams and chase things we are passionate about.
It’s not until then we get to see the world of endless possibilities.
Before I end this post, I want to share a Les Brown motivation video that I still watch to this day because it is so powerful. I hope it impacts you as much as it has for me. Enjoy!
Today is May 28th, 2018, and it is wet, cold, and cloudy outside.
It will have been 14, 12, and 9 years ago respectively since you all passed away. We were left alone, abandoned, and hopeless. And when we thought we would have relatives or family to shoulder on, no one was there. No, instead we were told we were the reasons why they died, that we were the reasons our parents didn’t raise us well. I never forgot.
But here I am, after so many years, still alive and pushing forward. I’ve shed many tears, endured many hopeless nights, and anguished in so much pain. I thought about ending my life on more than a few occasions because the pain was too much.
And yet, here I am.
In the last decade, I’ve had friendships sour, learned new skills, got married, and took on mixed martial arts (and competed). I thought I had some good connections, made friends at work, and thought I was doing right by the company. Yet, I was still laid off.
And yet, here I am.
To FutureMe, life will suck. It will continue to beat you down, shove you into the corner, and wail at you till you break. But you won’t give in, just like in the gym, regardless of the pain, the blood, the broken bones. You need to see this through, no matter how much life throws at you.
You will cry, be sad, and feel alone. But you will come out of this. And you will try to be a better person for yourself and love the people you currently have in your life.
Remember, life will always suck. But stay happy, be strong, and fight forward. Enjoy the small moments, let it soak in.
Every year when this day comes I feel a mix of emotions. Those emotions can range on one end of happiness and excitement to the other of sadness, depression and loneliness.
You may ask, why’s that?
When I was fifteen-turning-sixteen, I witnessed the passing and death of my mother. I watched the very last second she was declared deceased by the doctor.
It was the most gut-wrenching pain I ever went through at that point in my life. She was struggling in the worst of ways, and there I was, a kid, and could do nothing to help save her.
Up to that point, she was never a happy person and struggled with her own bouts of depression. I had always thought as a kid, “Am I the reason?”
No kid or child should ever have to question that to themselves.
Fast forward more than 15 years later, I am now married to the most incredible woman with a son of our own. Never in my wildest dreams did I envision being a parent or father.
But here we are and I feel so incredibly lucky. My wife and son bring me so much joy to the world, and the thought of them suffering at all breaks my heart.
Although Mother’s Day is a day that opens up a mix of moments for me, it’s also a reminder to be thankful to those who have stayed close all these years. It’s meant so much, and people who struggle with depression will appreciate it.
The recent news of Kobe Bryant’s passing left me shocked and numb. I was speechless. I just stared at the news for what felt like hours.
One of the biggest superstars in sports history perished in an instant. And not only that, but he had his daughter with him.
Hearing the news that his daughter was with him had me in tears. What were they thinking in those very final moments? How did Kobe feel knowing he couldn’t do anything? What’s it like knowing your life is about to end?
Dealing with everyday life
We go through our daily lives, working tirelessly to meet our personal and financial obligations; but when you hear news like this, you have to wonder what it’s all for.
Life can end in a instant. Everything that felt so important, such as material things, no longer matters.
How can they when you lose the ones you love?
Losing loved ones is never easy
Long ago, I lost my parents in a similar shocking way that left me bitter, angry and traumatized. It took me a long time to cope with the events and to accept that I had to move on.
Saying goodbye to the ones you love is one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life. No one ever expects to lose loved ones so early, or ever really.
But when it happens, it has a profound effect on your life. It changes you. It makes you think and behave differently.
As a new father myself, I can’t imagine what life would be like for my son if I were to pass. He has his mother’s side of the family, but there is no one on mine. It’s because of this that I need to be here for him. It’s what gets me moving everyday with a purpose.
Reach out to your loved ones
Please, please take time out of your day to say how much you love the people that are important in your life. Let them know how much they mean to you. Catch up with loved ones that you may have been out of touch.
Eventually, we all will face a similar fate–death. But until then, cherish and love the ones around you.
